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The Da-Schilling Code: The real Translation of his Bonds Apology

Sorry for the slow response on this one but I really needed to process and use my sleuthing skills to figure out the real meaning of the Curt Schilling apology. So what I am going to do is cut and paste Curt’s apology from his www.38pitches.com blog, put his words in quotes and then translate the true meaning of what Mr. Schilling is attempting to say.

Curt Schilling: “Everyone has days and events in life they’d love to push the rewind button on, yesterday was one of those days. Regardless of my opinions, thoughts and beliefs on anything Barry Bonds it was absolutely irresponsible and wrong to say what I did. I don’t think it’s within anyone’s right to say the things I said yesterday and affect other people’s lives in that way.”

Translation: I do not really believe anything I just spewed out on my blog because all I really did was attract more attention to myself and that is my true goal in life. I have always spoken my mind and the first thing that comes to mind and forms on the lips is what I am going to say. Everybody loves me so I can just blab away about anything baseball related or socially interesting at that time.

Curt Schilling: “I’d love to tell you I was ambushed, misquoted, misinterpreted, something other than what it was, but I wasn’t. I’m thinking that waking up at 8:30 am to do the weekly interview we do with WEEI is probably not the greatest format and if you heard the interview it’s not hard to realize that I’m usually awake about 30-45 seconds before it begins. That’s still no excuse or reason to say what I did, or even answer the question that was asked. The question I was asked and the answer I gave yesterday affected a lot more people than just he and I. His wife, his children, his friends and his family were all affected by that, as were mine and my teammates.”

Translation: Nobody likes to get up early so if I blame the idea that I made these comments on being tired cause I just woke up I bet all of Red Sox Nation and for that matter the whole nation will be sympathetic to me because who likes to get up early. Who really wants to take responsibility for what they say anymore, I am just going to blame my comments on the fact that I was tired and see if millions of educated Americans buy this idea. I will keep my fingers crossed on this one.

Curt Schilling: “As someone who’s made it very clear I have major issues with members of the media that take little or no pride in their work it’s the height of hypocrisy for me to say what I did, in any forum. I started this blog to give people a look into the life we live on and off the field, not to get into back and forths with people I don’t like or have issues with. Doing that will only make this a rant-filled, no content bunch of words.”

Translation: Nobody likes the media anymore so I better throw them into this apology so people can relate to that. Also, I do not know what hypocrisy means but a lot of people have been calling me a hypocrite so I better say I am one so my apology seems more sincere.

Curt Schillig: “Quite a few people have tossed Biblical references my way in the past week or so after the Thorne incident in Baltimore talking about turning the other cheek and being above the fray. I’ve often thought I do and try to be that way, but it’s very clear in the last two weeks I’ve done the exact opposite. That’s not to say I won’t respond when I feel someone’s calling me out and is wrong, but doing so in every instance will serve no one and only make me say and act like the very people I have issues with.”

Translation: I definitely need to discuss the bible so this is where I insert that point and just for fun I will also have to talk about Jesus and my faith, stay tuned for those comments. Nobody can criticize me when I throw out religious references and my faith because even that is still off limits in America.

Curt Schilling: “The only perfect human to walk the face of the earth died a few thousand years ago, that much I know. I am far from perfect and make more than my share of mistakes, which is something I have no problem with because that’s part of being human. However when my mistakes adversely affect other peoples lives, that’s a big deal. It was a callous, reckless and irresponsible thing to say, and for that I apologize to Barry, Barry’s family, Barry’s friends and the Giants organization, my teammates and the Red Sox organization as well as anyone else who may have been offended by the comments I made.”

Translation: Ding ding ding. Yup it is Jesus time. So if I reference Jesus now and say that only one person has ever been perfect than I will show that I am humble and not really as full of myself as I know I am. I am actually Jesus but if I told people that I might lose some fans so for now I will just keep it to myself. I am going to try and spin this and never take back my words so I will only apologize to people that were offended because I am sure that is only a couple of people because everyybody knows that Barry did all the things he said and even if he did not I was able to get myself a few days in the press and on Sportscenter and places like that and I am simply here to promote myself.

Flash Flash’s translation: Schilling is a disgusting human being. I think he might spontaneously combust when he retires because it will be nearly impossible to get as much media attention versus when he played baseball. He is only concerned about himself and how he is portrayed by fans and in the media. He does not think before he speaks and makes it more difficult to be his teammate because it is exhausting to defend him on an almost daily basis. He does not have Hall of Fame numbers so he needs to promote himself as much as possible so he can make it to Cooperstown. I hope he only gets invited there to clean the toilets.

I actually give Bonds credit for not suing Schilling. That only would have given Schilling another vehicle to get in the limelight.

Flash Flash

May 11, 2007 Posted by | Cooperstown, ESPN, Francona, MLB, Red Sox, San Francisco Giants, Schilling, Terry Francona | 11 Comments